Change is a good thing

WARNING: This is going to be a long, rambling post. :)

So, I spent a lot of time thinking last night as my children kept waking up. I had already decided to re-take control of my life and get back to regular exercise (I had slacked off considerably the last few weeks) and get my eating back under control (I've been a human disposal eating everything in site whether or not I was actually hungry). I started good on Monday and then totally crashed again on Tuesday. So, what is my problem? Why can't I meet my goals when I have such good intentions? I think I may have figured it out last night. I am going to try and walk through my thought processes so that I can record them to remind me when I need it most. It isn't going to sound as great as it did in my head, but it's all good.

I think my problem is me. Oh, yeah! Didn't see that one coming did you? All my life it has been easier for me to do something for someone else than for myself. That isn't a bad thing really, but it has made it easy for me to put off exercising and that is bad. It is so easy to come up with excuses when you are busy doing things for other people. I have been so busy the last few months with the 1001 things that I have to do, that I have completely burned out. My mind would tell me things like, "It's ok that you didn't run today because you did a and b for so and so and that was a lot of running around (aka. driving around on my bottom!)" or "no one expects you to go running when you have only had four hours of sleep" and so on. See, even my inner mind refers to what others would think about how my day went, there is no personal ownership of myself.

So, I've been busy and I didn't take enough time to recharge through healthy eating and exercise. I turned to my favorite comfort foods that are often higher in fats and instead of being recharged, I feel like a beached whale. It isn't pounds really, just that general sluggish yucky feeling of not being on your best game. I don't think I even noticed that until I became a runner, but it is a very definite change in physical and emotional health.

I've found that when I go to sleep at night, I think, "tomorrow I am going to do better. I'm going to get everything done that I need to." Then I wake up and feel overwhelmed and so I put everything off until the last moment. Then there is a flurry of activity on the last day before a deadline and I wear myself out. It is a sad cycle to be in. Tired, not motivated, lazy. Then I start to feel guilty because that is not who I am or who I want to be.

This is what I have to fix: I need to take personal ownership and interest in MYSELF. Yes, I need to come to grips with the fact that if I take that little bit of extra time to go running, and the extra time to look for and cook healthy foods, I will be able to do more for others. I'll feel more energized and I'll have the motivation needed to get up and get things done. I can be more proactive so that things don't pile up and overwhelm me. Then my whole family will be happier because I won't be such a grouch.

How am I going to do this? Because I do function on a high level of sociality, I'm going to use that to my advantage. This blog has been all over the place, but I am now going to focus it on what I need. It may get really boring here for a while as I find my new place and balance, so hang in there. I'm going to change the name first of all--to Becoming a Runner (change of address will happen on Monday. If you are a follower it should not affect your links--I don't think. I'm hoping the new address will be becomingarunner.blogspot). The idea is still the same, because I love to eat I have learned to love running. I will still post recipes and health tips as I come across new ones, but I want to focus on my daily activity for a while. I want to talk more about the things I love about running and I want to see my body change into that of a runner. I've played around long enough, it is time to get serious.

Every night I will post what kind of exercise I did for the day and for the first 2 weeks everything that I put into my mouth. It will help me to know that everyone will see what a pig I've been. First post comes tonight, none of this "I'll start on Monday" stuff this time. No excuses. It all gets posted, the good, the bad, the ugly and the fat.